What is Brain 3.0 and why do we need more of it?

Have you ever wondered why how you think, feel and act can change dramatically from day to day or even moment to moment? 

Psychology Puzzle HeadOn some days, you are in your best form and can rise to any challenge with grace. On other days, the most minor irritation upsets you or you have no self-control no matter how hard you try to control your urges. The answer is literally in our brains. Findings from neuroscience reveal that our state of mind depends on what neural networks are firing in our brains, that our neural wiring can either help us or cause us to get in our own way, and that by changing our neural wiring, we can gradually gain mastery over our mind. This paper explains how our emotional states impact brain functioning and how proactively shifting our emotional state enables us to experience a higher level of awareness and consciousness in our daily lives and interactions.

The three emotional states of the brain

The Calm Clarity Framework: Brain 1.0, 2.0, 3.0

Several years ago as a brain geek turned social entrepreneur, I created the Calm Clarity Program to help teenagers from economically disadvantaged communities understand how the brain works and direct the development of their brains to become more resilient to stress and trauma. To do this, I developed a simple, intuitive framework by connecting our emotional states to three distinct overarching patterns of brain activation, which I call Brain 1.0, Brain 2.0 and Brain 3.0, and showing how our brain functioning in each of these states affects the way we think, feel, behave, and interact with people.[1]

This framework for the three emotional states of the brain was partly based on the triune brain model developed by a neuroscientist named Paul MacLean in the 1950s.[2] His theory proposed that the human brain evolved over time in three main layers, such that the structures in each layer enabled new adaptive functions and behaviors. The Calm Clarity framework also integrates more recent insights from brain imaging studies which reveal that emotions correspond to distinct patterns of brain activation and that as human beings shift between emotional states, certain neural circuits are strongly activated or deactivated. For example, activating Brain 1.0 or Brain 2.0 can turn “off” our physiological capacity for empathy because the neural mechanisms for empathy are intertwined with Brain 3.0 (more details on this topic later).

Brain 1.0: “Our Inner Godzilla”

I call the first emotional state Brain 1.0 because the underlying structures are fully formed when we are born. These structures correspond to the self-preservation system that keeps us alive, helps us scan for threats, avoid danger and protect ourselves. When Brain 1.0 is activated, we tend to feel afraid, threatened, defensive, or angry. We become hypervigilant, sometimes even paranoid, about all the things that can go wrong. This is a state of high stress which is often referred to as “fight-or-flight.”[3]

I informally call the persona of Brain 1.0 “the Inner Godzilla” because when Brain 1.0 hijacks our minds, we often feel an urge to smash things or completely withdraw. We’re easily irritated and are likely to take our frustrations out on others. In Brain 1.0, we are consumed with saving ourselves, so Brain 3.0 (which contains our neural mechanisms for pro-social behavior) gets turned “off.”

Brain 2.0: “Our Inner Teen Wolf”

I call the next emotional state Brain 2.0 because the underlying structures mature during adolescence. These structures correspond to the dopamine system (also called the reward system) which motivates us to expend lots of energy to chase after rewards we associate with happiness, success or social status. To reinforce behaviors that promote our own growth and the survival of our species, evolution wired us to get a surge of euphoria-inducing dopamine when we engage in reward-seeking activities; else, we would have no inclination to take on challenges that involve high risks.[4]

The dopamine system is extremely sensitive to conditioning by our culture, by our environment, and by our experiences, such that the things we find pleasurable or that we associate with success and status differ by culture and community. While the dopamine system is commonly associated with pleasure, dopamine also generates high levels of anxiety to spur us to take action in order to alleviate our anxious feelings. An over-activated Brain 2.0 often manifests as addiction, obsessive-compulsiveness, impulsiveness, and reckless thrill-seeking and risk-taking.

When Brain 2.0 is triggered by a reward/carrot, we tend to feel a sense of anticipation, craving, emptiness or incompleteness, restlessness, like the grass is greener on the other side. Then if and when we get the reward we’ve been chasing, we feel high, like we are on top of the world. The problem is that the high doesn’t last and then we have to chase and win another reward to feel it again. In Brain 2.0, we can get so consumed by chasing the object of our desire, we get locked into tunnel vision: we want it at any cost, as soon as possible, and feel like life would be utterly miserable if we don’t get it.

I informally call the persona of Brain 2.0 “the Inner Teen Wolf” because when Brain 2.0 hijacks our minds, we feel a strong primal urge to become more dominant in status and power, win every competition, and have all our cravings and desires immediately satisfied. For the Inner Teen Wolf, the means justifies the ends. In this state, we tend to be selfish, competitive, domineering, manipulative, and less ethical. The way the brain is wired, when we are consumed with obtaining the reward/goal/carrot, neural mechanisms for pro-social behavior and morality (which lie in Brain 3.0) can also get turned “off.”

How our Inner Godzilla and Inner Teen Wolf feed each other

In many ways, Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0 are intertwined because they are near each other in the brain.[5] When we are in Brain 1.0, we are more likely to seek immediate relief or escape by satisfying our impulses. When we are in Brain 2.0, we can get so worried and anxious about not getting what we want that we get highly stressed and go inter Inner Godzilla mode. While both Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0 serve an important role in our survival and the fulfillment of essential needs, when they become over-activated, we may feel like we’re stuck on a roller coaster ride driven by our inner demons (the Inner Godzilla and Inner Teen Wolf).

Brain 3.0: “Our Inner Sage”

I call the third emotional state Brain 3.0 because the corresponding structures, the frontal lobes, are the last parts of the brain to mature―in fact, they fully develop in our mid-twenties. The frontal lobes house our capacity for executive functioning, planning, aspiration, imagination, altruism, compassion, self-regulation, as well as empathy. Brain 3.0 contains the neural pathways that enable us to rein in our animal instincts, connect with a purpose greater than ourselves, and make sacrifices for the greater good. Most important, these are the neural pathways that enable us to calm down Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0 when they get triggered so that we can then harness the energies they unleash into a more effective response guided by Brain 3.0.

Being in Brain 3.0 is associated with stronger brain integration, meaning the pathways connecting the frontal lobes to the rest of the brain are activated and functioning optimally.[6] In Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0 these pathways tend to get deactivated or impaired, so people have less executive functioning in these states. The integration experienced in Brain 3.0 gives us a strong even-keeled disposition that enables us to calm and rein in Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0 if and when they get triggered.

I informally call the persona of Brain 3.0 “the Inner Sage” because in Brain 3.0, we naturally act like our best selves and are more tuned into our inner wisdom. When Brain 3.0 is activated, we feel a sense of centeredness and deep meaningful happiness that the Greeks called “eudaimonia” (which means good spirits). Eudaimonia is a type of expansive feeling that often brings a sense of elevation, purpose, clarity and inspiration. Activating Brain 3.0 is linked to self-mastery and self-actualization and thus living in this mode helps free us from the roller coaster ride of living in Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0. Further, in Brain 3.0, we can see a bigger picture perspective; whereas in Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0, we get locked into tunnel vision and therefore miss opportunities. The way the brain is wired, we have to be in Brain 3.0 to have full access to the higher level processing capacities of our frontal lobes. Therefore, to perform at our peak, it’s optimal to be in Brain 3.0.

Linking the brain states to stress, well-being, and connectedness

The Autonomic Nervous System: Sympathetic Stress “Fight-or-Flight” vs. Parasympathetic Homeostasis “Rest-and-Digest”

Homeostasis is the catchall scientific term for the internal self-regulating feedback loop processes by which our body keeps our organs functioning optimally. Homeostasis is regulated by the autonomic nervous system which governs the life supporting mechanisms that happen without our direct conscious control such as respiration, heartbeat, digestion, hormones, and sleep. The autonomic nervous system has two main arms: the sympathetic nervous system or SNS (stress: fight-or-flight) and the parasympathetic nervous system or PSNS (homeostasis: rest-and-digest).

Chronic stress, which means experiencing elevated stress levels for long periods of time, tends to pull the body out of homeostasis, such that it becomes more vulnerable to disease because the body wasn’t designed to handle high states of stress for more than short bursts. Chronic stress wreaks havoc on our cardiovascular system because it increases blood pressure and puts our immune system on extended red alert, which leads to high inflammation. In order to return to homeostasis, the body needs to spend the majority of time in parasympathetic mode to rebuild and regenerate. When the SNS is strongly aroused, it turns on the “fight-or-flight” cascade which “turns off” the parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS). Thus, the PSNS is not able to fully do its job of maintaining homeostasis when we are in fight-or-flight mode.[7]

Unfortunately, the fight-or-flight cascade also reduces blood flow to the frontal lobes (which house Brain 3.0), thus impairing our mental processing capacity and our ability to regulate our impulses. When we can’t think straight, we tend to react to stressors in ways that create even more stress in our lives by impulsively doing and saying things we later regret.

To tie this back to our framework: being in Brain 1.0 revs up the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and floods our bodies with stress hormones. Being in Brain 2.0 (and feeling anxiety about not getting the outcome we want) also revs up the SNS and puts us into a state of high stress. High stress turns “off” the PSNS and Brain 3.0. Therefore, given the way the autonomic system is wired, the PSNS functions best when we are in Brain 3.0. Turning Brain 3.0 “on” in a challenging situation enables us to modulate the stress cascade as well as harness the energies unleashed by stress into constructive efforts that can make a positive impact on the situation.

The Vagus Nerve is Key to Homeostasis and Healthy Relationships

It is important to note that the vagus nerve — a major part of the PSNS which connects and sends messages between our brain and vital internal organs, such as our heart, lungs, stomach, pancreas, and intestines — gets deactivated and goes “offline” when we are in fight-or-flight mode. The vagus nerve also plays a key role in relationships because it enables us to tune into friendly non-verbal communication like tone of voice, smiling, and heartfelt gestures.[8] In Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0, we have less empathy and exhibit less pro-social behavior because the vagus nerve is deactivated by the stress cascade. In turn, we are also more likely to feel disconnected and isolated.

Interestingly, the mechanisms for Brain 3.0, pro-social behavior, and our parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) appear to be interwoven. Activities that stimulate the vagus nerve also turn “on” the PSNS and release oxytocin, a chemical known as the “cuddle hormone” because it promotes bonding, empathy, and prosocial behavior. Oxytocin helps us recover from stress by regulating levels of cortisol, a major stress hormone, and restoring blood flow to the structures of Brain 3.0. This explains why activities that increase oxytocin, such as connecting with loved ones and getting a hug with genuine warmth are very effective at relieving stress.[9] Conversely, being in Brain 3.0 also seems to stimulate the vagus nerve and the PSNS, thus enabling us to be less ruffled by and more resilient to stressors. Furthermore, being Brain 3.0 is more conducive to building strong emotional bonds and connections which elevate levels of oxytocin. These intertwining mechanisms mean that activating Brain 3.0 creates a positive spiral for enhancing resilience, wellbeing, and social connection. Thanks in part to the contagious nature of these mechanisms, our natural ability to calm, comfort, uplift and inspire others is also maximized when we are in Brain 3.0.

Modern Life Challenge: Chronic Stress

In the modern age, we are less exposed to the physical dangers that beset our ancestors, but the human body reacts to psychological and financial stressors using the same fight-or-flight cascade for physical threats. This means that our bodies can react to uncertainty, change, information or sensory overload, social tension, taxes and bills the same way we react to encountering a bear or tiger. Being continuously exposed to stimuli through technology and media (both traditional and social) can keep people in a chronic state of worry and high alert. Living in chronic stress activates and strengthens Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0, making us even more vulnerable to being hijacked by the Inner Godzilla and the Inner Teen Wolf.

In this age of increasing speed, change, and uncertainty, so many people are burning out because they spend so much time in Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0 and not enough time in Brain 3.0. Unfortunately, this can lock us into a negative spiral because we need to regularly use and exercise Brain 3.0 to make it strong enough to have the ability to calm and direct Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0. Else with an undeveloped or weakened Brain 3.0, our Inner Godzilla and Inner Teen Wolf have more power to wreak havoc in our lives.

Mastering the Mind: Shifting into Brain 3.0

The emotional states of the brain provide a new way of understanding Albert Einstein’s comment, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” When we operate mainly out of Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0, our brain functioning is handicapped. We tend to get stuck in short-term tunnel vision regarding matters of self-preservation and self-interest that render us more likely to exacerbate or perpetuate challenges rather than solve them.

For human beings to access our capacity for higher level processing, big picture thinking, and deep listening, we need to shift into Brain 3.0. Furthermore, being in Brain 3.0 naturally declutters our minds by turning down the volume on the Inner Godzilla and the Inner Teen Wolf. In Brain 3.0, we can attune to and embrace the present moment without having our minds burn valuable energy ruminating on the past or anxiously worrying about imagined catastrophes in the future. To clarify, shifting into Brain 3.0 doesn’t mean Brain 1.0 or Brain 2.0 never get triggered; it means when they are triggered, we can connect to our Inner Sage to listen to the information that Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0 communicate and respond effectively and appropriately without over-reacting in Inner Godzilla or Inner Teen Wolf mode. Furthermore, when we are guided by the Inner Sage, we increase the availability of our inner wisdom and are more likely to experience flashes of insight and epiphanies that present us with new approaches to solving difficult challenges.

Neuroplasticity: How the Brain Changes

One thing to keep in mind is that the neurons that make up the brain are continuously reorganizing themselves according to our life experiences, a phenomenon called neuroplasticity. Two simple maxims that capture this process can be summed up as follows: “neurons that fire together, wire together” and “use it or lose it.” The neural pathways that are used the most become like super highways in the brain and the ones that aren’t used atrophy.[10] Therefore, we can only develop and strengthen Brain 3.0 by being in Brain 3.0 more often through the regular, deliberate, and intentional activation of Brain 3.0.

To Be Our Best Selves: Retrain the Autopilot in Brain 3.0

To minimize energy consumption, the brain tends to function in autopilot mode when we go about our daily routines. In autopilot mode, the neural pathways that are strongest in our brain self-trigger without the need for any conscious prompting. In general, our neural super highways shape how we react to everyday life events and in turn, our reflexive mental and emotional patterns reflect the neural pathways that are most strongly hardwired in our brains.[11] If we do not intentionally and mindfully train these neural highways, the autopilot default is to be in Brain 2.0 and Brain 1.0. Harvard psychology professor Ellen Langer’s statement that “Virtually all of our suffering comes from our mindlessness,” is an apt way of conveying why we want to be mindful rather than run around mindlessly on autopilot.

Given that we spend most of our waking life performing daily routines, if we want to be the best version of ourselves, we have to activate and exercise Brain 3.0 on a regular basis by consciously building new mental and emotional habits guided by Brain 3.0. By tying our neural superhighways to Brain 3.0, we can shift from “mindless autopilot” to “conscious autopilot.” This will enable us to live more and more in tune with the Inner Sage and bring our best selves into all the situations life may throw at us.

Exercise Brain 3.0 Using Practices that “Turn On” the PSNS

Building up Brain 3.0 is not as straightforward as building muscles by weight-lifting because it involves fine-tuning our autonomic nervous system, which is a challenge because, by definition, we don’t have direct conscious control over this system. Fortunately, research has shown that ancient contemplative practices such as yoga and meditation kick-start a cascade of biochemical mechanisms to recover from stress, turn “on” the PSNS, and bring us back into Brain 3.0.[12]

Guided by insights from neuroscience and research on traditional meditation practices, I designed a variety of meditations that are easy for beginners to understand and practice yet also effectively activate and enhance various functions of Brain 3.0 in a relatively short amount of time.

For example, one of Calm Clarity’s foundational exercises is a modified version of an ancient meditation technique called compassion meditation. Although this particular meditation practice has only recently started to get attention from scientists, several preliminary studies by different research labs have found that the practice is associated with increased positive emotions, higher empathy, and prosocial behavior (which are linked to Brain 3.0).[13] Furthermore, the long-term practice of compassion meditation is associated with higher gamma synchrony across the many regions of the brain, a property that is believed to be conducive to higher level thinking.[14] (It is hypothesized that gamma synchrony is connected to having eureka moments, creative breakthroughs and innovation, but the science on brain waves, in general, is not yet conclusive.) Based on these and other findings from scientific research, I designed the Calm Clarity Compassion Meditation to activate and boost Brain 3.0 in a relatively short amount of time (10 to 12 minutes) so that it is convenient to practice and easily incorporated into a daily routine.

The Calm Clarity approach to strengthening Brain 3.0

The Calm Clarity Mindful Leadership Program was designed to offer a compelling and easy-to-grasp approach for understanding how the brain works and strengthening the neural circuits that enable us to master our minds and be our best selves at work and in all areas of our lives. The program uses science to show people how to rev up Brain 3.0 like an engine: stimulate the vagus nerve, boost oxytocin levels, and jumpstart Brain 3.0 so strongly that we become more resilient to triggers that could otherwise pull us into Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0.

Our Mindful Leadership Program is an experiential in-person training composed of four modules:

· Module 1: Boost Brain Functioning. We explain the emotional states of the brain and help you recognize your triggers and understand how you think, feel, and act differently in Brain 1.0, 2.0 and 3.0. We also introduce science-based techniques to activate and strengthen Brain 3.0 (which also naturally calms Brain 1.0 and 2.0).

· Module 2: Minding Your Autopilot. We explain how the autopilot helps us to conserve energy by hardwiring habits into our brains. We then explain how mindfulness enables us to observe and retrain the autopilot so we can bring more of our patterns into conscious awareness. We then apply mindfulness to activate Brain 3.0, which enables us to observe and break habits that no longer serve us.

· Module 3: The Voice in Your Head. We explain how our prior conditioning and beliefs shape our stream-of-consciousness inner dialogue I call the “mind-track.” We become aware of how in Brain 1.0 and 2.0, our mind-track often sounds like an “inner critic” that beats down on us and other people. We also notice how when we are in Brain 3.0 the mind-track changes to an “inner coach” that guides us forward. We then apply mindfulness to activate Brain 3.0, which turns up the volume of the “inner coach” and turns down the volume of the “inner critic.”

· Module 4: Deepening Connection. We present research on relationships, communication, and empathy. Then we apply techniques such as mindful listening to intentionally build empathic connections with people and genuinely open our minds and hearts to see and feel another person’s perspective.

As participants go through the training, they experience what it feels like to be in Brain 3.0 and gain a visceral understanding for how they naturally embody their best selves when they are in Brain 3.0. With this new perspective, they are inspired to be the Brain 3.0 version of them as much as possible. They then leave with a sense of empowerment from having a concrete understanding of the science as well as specific tools to further develop and strengthen Brain 3.0. By bringing a higher level of consciousness into their lives at work/school and at home, our alumni create positive ripple effects by using what they learned in our training to help elevate people they interact with into Brain 3.0.

When teams or families go through this training together, it helps them understand each other on a deeper level and break through self-limiting patterns that keep them from being truly collaborative and effective together. It also helps them build a deeper heartfelt connection and support each other to shift more and more into Brain 3.0 over the long-term.

Are you ready to shift into Brain 3.0?

If yes, come experience our Mindful Leadership Program by joining one of our intensive two-day Weekend Retreats in Philadelphia which take place from 10 am to 4:30 pm. Your tickets also enable us to give scholarships to college students from disadvantaged backgrounds to attend the retreat alongside you.

We also offer in-house training for organizations looking for world-class science-based leadership development. Please contact us at info@calmclarity.org for more information. By engaging with us, you are also funding Calm Clarity to create social impact by offering pro-bono training to help disadvantaged groups such as low-income first-generation college students and inner city teenagers shift into Brain 3.0.

 


Copyright © 2017 by Calm Clarity Co. All rights reserved.

Footnotes:

[1] Please note: the purpose of this framework is to synthesize complex brain science into a user-friendly tool that young people without a college education can understand and apply to everyday life, so it is intended to be simplistic rather than comprehensive or fool-proof.

[2] MacLean, Paul D. The Triune Brain in Evolution: Role in Paleocerebral Functions. New York: Plenum Press. 1990.

[3] For a detailed understanding “Brain 1.0” and the impact of trauma, I recommend reading Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, And Body in the Healing of Trauma (2014).

[4] For a detailed understanding about “Brain 2.0” and how it develops during adolescence, I recommend reading Dr. Laurence Steinberg‘s Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence (2014).

[5] The structures of Brain 1.0 and Brain 2.0 are located in an area of the brain called the limbic system (limbus means border or margin) which lies between the neocortex and the brain stem.

[6] For a more detailed understanding of “Brain 3.0,” I recommend Dr. Daniel Siegel’s books which dive into the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, such as Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation(2009) and Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human (2017)

[7] For a detailed understanding about the physiological mechanisms of stress, I highly recommend Dr. Robert Sapolsky’s Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcer (1994).

[8] More information on the vagus nerve can be found in this article in Time: “The Biology of Kindness: How It Makes Us Happier and Healthier” by Maia Szalavitz.

[9] For a more detailed understanding of the role of oxytocin in mediating stress, I highly recommend Kelly McGonigal’s The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It (2015).

[10] For a more detailed understanding of neuroplasticity, I highly recommend reading Norman Doidge’s The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science (2007).

[11] For a more detailed understanding of the autopilot, I recommend reading Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking Fast and Slow (2011) and Charles Duhigg’s The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business (2012).

[12] See research on mindfulness-based stress reduction and other contemplative practices conducted by the Center for Healthy Minds led by Dr. Richard Davidson at the University of Wisconsin- Madison.

[13] See research led by Dr. Barbara Frederickson at the University of North Carolina and by Dr. Tania Singer at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences.

[14] Please refer to this article in the Washington Post: “Meditation Gives Brain a Charge, Study Finds” by Marc Kaufman.


About the author:

Due Quach (pronounced “Zway Kwok”) is the founder of Calm Clarity, a social enterprise that uses science to help people master their minds and be their best self across the socioeconomic spectrum. A refugee from Vietnam and graduate of Harvard College and the Wharton MBA Program, Due overcame the long-term effects of poverty and trauma by turning to neuroscience and meditation. After building a successful career in management consulting and private equity investments, Due traveled to India to study various contemplative traditions and understand how they align with brain science. She then synthesized what she learned to create the Calm Clarity Program in order to help more people overcome adversity and unlock their potential.

Due has brought the benefits of Calm Clarity to many organizations, including Ernst & Young, Bristol-Meyers Squibb, Vanguard, M&T Bank, Devereux, the University of Pennsylvania, and New York University. Her inspiring story has been featured in the New York Observer, the Philadelphia Inquirer, Philly Voice, Streetwise, and the Seattle Times. Her forthcoming book, “Finding Calm Clarity,” will be published by Tarcher Perigee Penguin Random House.

Positive emotions broaden our minds

According to Dr. Barbara Frederickson’s research, positive emotions open our minds and enable us to see the bigger picture.  When we feel positive emotions, it’s like a water lily opening at sunrise, nourishing our minds to expand our perspective and enabling us to see interconnections. Positive emotions enhance our ability to collaborate and develop creative solutions to pressing problems.

Dr. Frederickson also discovered positive emotions transform us at the cellular level.  On average, at the cellular level 1% of our cells are renewed each day, so the human body is regenerated every 100 days or the length of a season. One of the most effective ways to increase our “daily diet” of positive emotions is to practice the loving-kindness meditation, which Dr. Frederickson has studied.  When loving-kindness meditation is practiced for 3 months, it leads to profound transformations in our mindset and well-being, which also come through at the cellular level.  The degree to which people experience positive emotions determine whether they languish or flourish!

Another recent study found that people who practice loving-kindness meditation over a long-term period have chromosomes with longer telomeres, a marker associated with longevity and lower risk for cancer.

The importance of discernment

In 2012, when I was in the midst of traveling through India to study meditative and contemplative traditions, I was struck by the diversity of opinions and perspectives within one school of thought and between traditions.  Even within Buddhism, there were three major branches, Theravada, Mahayana, and Vajrayana, and each consisted of myriad sects and approaches.  Then as I came to look more broadly at yoga traditions, there were even more schools and approaches. The various teachers I encountered inevitably contradicted each other and themselves from day-to-day.

When I learned of the Kalama Sutra, I realized 2500 years ago, a tribe of people called the Kalamas were perplexed by similar observations.  There were many gurus (contemplatives) that visit them with teachings but each seemed to disparage other teachers and traditions. When the Buddha Siddartha Gautama came to visit their town, they asked him for advice how to distinguish for truthfulness and reliability among the gurus. This is an extract of how he responded:

“‘Don’t go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, “This contemplative is our teacher.” When you know for yourselves that, “These qualities are unskillful; these qualities are blameworthy; these qualities are criticized by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to harm & to suffering” — then you should abandon them.'”
“‘Don’t go by reports, by legends, by traditions, by scripture, by logical conjecture, by inference, by analogies, by agreement through pondering views, by probability, or by the thought, ‘This contemplative is our teacher.’ When you know for yourselves that, ‘These qualities are skillful; these qualities are blameless; these qualities are praised by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to welfare & to happiness’ — then you should enter & remain in them.”

Thanks to scientific knowledge, it is much easier today than ever before to follow his advice. Over the last 50 years, researchers have collected substantial evidence on the qualities and practices (such as gratitude, compassion, altruism) that when adopted and carried out, lead to well-being and happiness and on which qualities and practices lead to ill-health and suffering (such as worry, anger, unforgiveness).

The aim of the Calm Clarity program is to provide a synthesis of scientific discoveries in order to support people to cultivate habits and qualities that lead to well-being and happiness.

Mindfulness and the Super Bowl

Seattle Seahawks just made NFL history. More than showing the power of a strong defense, they demonstrated to the NFL the power of a kinder, more compassionate and well-being-centered approach to cultivating a team and how building a positive mindset for success can give a team the winning edge. Despite the tremendous pressure and stress of SuperBowl night, the team played like it was easy to do what comes naturally to them.

Calm Clarity incorporates many of the techniques mentioned here to help students visualize success and cultivate a positive mindset.  So far, the pilots show, it is making a positive impact.

Please see the original article from ESPN cited below on our blog for your convenience.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Updated: August 23, 9:57 AM ET

Lotus pose on two


By Alyssa Roenigk
ESPN The Magazine

This story appears in ESPN The Magazine’s Sept. 2 NFL Preview. 

“IT’S DIFFERENT HERE,” Pete Carroll says. “Have you noticed?” It’s hard not to. At 9 a.m. on the first Sunday of training camp in Renton, Wash., high-performance sports psychologist Mike Gervais, dressed in a navy Seahawks hoodie and white baseball cap and flashing more enthusiasm than is rational at this hour, welcomes players into a meeting room at the Virginia Mason Athletic Center. This place used to be the site of a coal tar refinery; now it’s the happiest, greenest campsite in the history of the NFL. Gervais is about to lead a meditation session and, as he always does, instructs the players to hit record on their phone voice-recorder apps and to close their eyes. Then he starts guiding them: “Quiet your minds,” “Focus your attention inwardly” and “Visualize success.”

To read more, please go to the original article: Lotus pose on two


Studies on the benefits of Loving-Kindness Meditation on health, longevity, and trauma recovery

How positive emotions build physical health: perceived positive social connections account for the upward spiral between positive emotions and vagal tone.

Psychol Sci. 2013 Jul 1;24(7):1123-32. doi: 10.1177/0956797612470827. Epub 2013 May 6. Kok, Beth E & Frederickson, Barbara L.

The mechanisms underlying the association between positive emotions and physical health remain a mystery. We hypothesize that an upward-spiral dynamic continually reinforces the tie between positive emotions and physical health and that this spiral is mediated by people’s perceptions of their positive social connections. We tested this overarching hypothesis in a longitudinal field experiment in which participants were randomly assigned to an intervention group that self-generated positive emotions via loving-kindness meditation or to a waiting-list control group. Participants in the intervention group increased in positive emotions relative to those in the control group, an effect moderated by baseline vagal tone, a proxy index of physical health. Increased positive emotions, in turn, produced increases in vagal tone, an effect mediated by increased perceptions of social connections. This experimental evidence identifies one mechanism-perceptions of social connections-through which positive emotions build physical health, indexed as vagal tone. Results suggest that positive emotions, positive social connections, and physical health influence one another in a self-sustaining upward-spiral dynamic.

The Biology of Kindness: How It Makes Us Happier and Healthier

Loving-Kindness Meditation practice associated with longer telomeres in women.

Brain Behav Immun. 2013 Aug;32:159-63. doi: 10.1016/j.bbi.2013.04.005. Epub 2013 Apr 19.  Hoge, Elizabeth A.

Relatively short telomere length may serve as a marker of accelerated aging, and shorter telomeres have been linked to chronic stress. Specific lifestyle behaviors that can mitigate the effects of stress might be associated with longer telomere lengths. Previous research suggests a link between behaviors that focus on the well-being of others, such as volunteering and caregiving, and overall health and longevity. We examined relative telomere length in a group of individuals experienced in Loving-Kindness Meditation (LKM), a practice derived from the Buddhist tradition which utilizes a focus on unselfish kindness and warmth towards all people, and control participants who had done no meditation. Blood was collected by venipuncture, and Genomic DNA was extracted from peripheral blood leukocytes. Quantitative real time PCR was used to measure relative telomere length (RTL) (Cawthon, 2002) in fifteen LKM practitioners and 22 control participants. There were no significant differences in age, gender, race, education, or exposure to trauma, but the control group had a higher mean body mass index (BMI) and lower rates of past depression. The LKM practitioners had longer RTL than controls at the trend level (p=.083); among women, the LKM practitioners had significantly longer RTL than controls, (p=.007), which remained significant even after controlling for BMI and past depression. Although limited by small sample size, these results offer the intriguing possibility that LKM practice, especially in women, might alter RTL, a biomarker associated with longevity.

Loving-kindness meditation for posttraumatic stress disorder: a pilot study.

J Trauma Stress. 2013 Aug;26(4):426-34. doi: 10.1002/jts.21832. Epub 2013 Jul 25. Kearney, David J.

Loving-kindness meditation is a practice designed to enhance feelings of kindness and compassion for self and others. Loving-kindness meditation involves repetition of phrases of positive intention for self and others. We undertook an open pilot trial of loving-kindness meditation for veterans with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Measures of PTSD, depression, self-compassion, and mindfulness were obtained at baseline, after a 12-weekloving-kindness meditation course, and 3 months later. Effect sizes were calculated from baseline to each follow-up point, and self-compassion was assessed as a mediator. Attendance was high; 74% attended 9-12 classes. Self-compassion increased with large effect sizes and mindfulness increased with medium to large effect sizes. A large effect size was found for PTSD symptoms at 3-month follow-up (d = -0.89), and a medium effect size was found for depression at 3-month follow-up (d = -0.49). There was evidence of mediation of reductions in PTSD symptoms and depression by enhanced self-compassion. Overall, loving-kindness meditation appeared safe and acceptable and was associated with reduced symptoms of PTSD and depression. Additional study of loving-kindness meditation for PTSD is warranted to determine whether the changes seen are due to the loving-kindness meditation intervention versus other influences, including concurrent receipt of other treatments.

Hardwiring Happiness

Hardwiring Happiness

A dear friend just told me about Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist and author whose work is highly convergent with the Calm Clarity Program.  Through his books and lectures, he has been expounding on how to drive self-directed neuroplasticity to “hard-wire happiness”.

It’s beautiful to keep discovering validation from scientific experts that what I am putting together in Calm Clarity is on the right track.

I found his Google Talk lecture fascinatingly similar to the lessons in the Calm Clarity Program.


For anyone who wants to learn more, his website is here:  http://www.wisebrain.org/

How meditation practices change the brain

There is now a sizable body of scientific research capturing how spirituality, especially meditation practices, propel neuroplasticity in the remodeling of the brain.  A lot of this work is being done at the University of Pennsylvania’s Center for Spirituality and Mind and the Center for the Integrated Study of Spirituality and the Neurosciences, under Dr. Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman.  I was introduced to the above video lecture by Waldman at a meditation workshop and decided to read their book, “How God Changes Your Brain”.  It turns out to be less about God and more about how thinking of God and spiritual practices activates the brain and molds brain structure (and vice versa).

I have excerpted some of the most interesting paragraphs on the mechanisms:

“The cultural evolution of God follows the neurological evolution of the brain. The circuits that generates images of a wrathful God are closely tied to the oldest structures in the brain, and the circuits that allow us to envision a compassionte and mystical God are in the newest part of our brain. We can’t get rid of our old limbic God, which means that anger and fear will always be part of our neural and spiritual personality. However, we can train the new structures in our brain to suppress our biological tendency to react with anger and fear. (p. 123)

“The emotional circuits of our limbic brains have less plasticity than the frontal lobe. For example, we all get angry or frightened in the same way, but everyone experiences love in surprisingly different ways. Still, it’s not fair to call our reptilian brain primitive, for it too has co-evolved with the frontal lobe and now as the ability to adapt and respond with increased appropriateness to new situations and stress…(p. 123-124)

“To bridge the gap between our “old” and “new” brains, a special structure appears to have recently evolved–the anterior cingulate…it connects our emotions with our cognitive skills, playing a crucial role in emotional self-control, focused problem-solving, and error recognition. Most important, it integrates the activity of different parts of the brain in a way that allows self-consciousness to emerge, especially as it applies to how we see ourselves in relation to the world.” (p. 124)

“Based on our research and that of others, it seems the more you activate your anterior cingulate, the less you’ll perceive God as an authoritarian or critical force.” (p.126)

“Since meditation stimulates this circuit, we believe there is also a coevolution of spirituality and consciousness, engaging specific neural circuits that allow us to envision a benevolent, interconnecting relationship between the universe, God, and ourselves. The circuit that extends from the frontal lobe to the limbic system has a rich interconnection of neurons centered in the anterior cingulate cortex, which is activated whenever we see someone who is suffering, and this allows us to feel empathy and compassion…” (p. 124)

“The anterior cingulate also contains a class of spindle-shaped cells called von Economo neurons, which are found only in humans, great apes, and whales. These neurons have an extensive array of connections with other parts of the brain and are believed to be intimately involved with the development of social awareness skills by integrating our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. They guide us toward positive emotions and away from negative ones.  But they are also disrupted by stress. If you expose yourself to ongoing stress, their functioning is reduced,  but if you place yourself in an enriched environment–with a lot of love, communication, and sensory and intellectual stimulation–you strengthen the effectiveness of the von Economo neurons and the anterior cingulate. Since meditation simultaneously reduces stress while stimulating activity in the anterior cingulate, this supports our premise that spiritual practices enhance social awareness and compassion.” (p. 124-125)

“For example, in one recent study, advanced meditators were shown to have superior skills at discerning subtle changes in the environment… The majority of studies also have found that even brief periods of meditation significantly improve your ability to cope with a wide variety of psychological problems and physical disease. Perhaps this may explain why the practice of meditation has increased in popularity in recent years. in 1993, five million people said they meditated. By 2003, the numbers soared to ten million, and in 2007, fifteen million. Church involvement in America is declining, but spiritual practices are on the rise.” (p. 128-129)

“Today, for many people, God has become a metaphor for our search for ultimate truths and our ability to imagine a better future for all. And as a recent UCLA study found, this search for meaning is usually viewed as a spiritual pursuit, not a religious one.” (p.123)

“The funny thing is that the philosophy behind New Thought religion and materialism comes very close to several fundamental neurological truths:

  • Your thoughts clearly affect the neurological functioning of your body.
  • Optimism is essential for maintaining a healthy brain.
  • Positive thoughts neurologically suppress negative thoughts.
  • When you change the way you think, you begin to change your outward circumstances.
  • Consciousness, reality, your mind, and your spiritual beliefs are profoundly interconnected and inseparable from the functioning of your brain.”  (p. 123)

“Our neurological findings have shown that different types of meditation and prayer affect different parts of the brain in different ways, and each one appears to have a beneficial effect on our neurological functioning and physical and emotional health. Some techniques increase blood flow to the frontal, parietal, temporal and limbic areas of the brain, while others decrease metabolic activity in these areas. Intensive meditation may also trigger an unusual form of neural activity–deafferentation–in which one part of the brain ignores the information being sent to it by other parts.  When this happens, we radically alter our everyday perception of the world.” (p. 63)

“By manipulating our breath, body, awareness, feelings, and thoughts, we can decrease tension and stress. We can evoke or suppress specific emotions and focus our thoughts in ways that biologically influence other parts of the brain. From a neuroscientific perspective, this is astonishing because it upsets the traditional view that we cannot voluntarily influence non-conscious areas in the brain. Only human being can think themselves into happiness or despair, without any influence from the outside world. Thus, the more we engage in spiritual practices, the more control we gain over our body, mind, and fate.” (p. 63)

The embodiment of thinking, flourishing, and the 8-fold noble path

Dr. Seligman and my favorite book of his.
Dr. Seligman and my favorite book of his.

This post is dedicated to a personal hero, Dr. Martin Seligman, whose contribution to the field of positive psychology and books have been a pivotal inspiration in the development of the Calm Clarity Program.  I would also like to personally thank him for graciously making time to meet me yesterday, signing my copy of Flourishing, and giving me his blessing to share his research and techniques in the Calm Clarity program.

In 2012, I took a personal sabbatical year to understand meditation and how it works, and how to harness the benefits that were being covered in the mainstream press.  I decided to go straight to the heart of the teachings, Dharamsala, India, the home of the Tibetan Buddhist community-in-exile. I spent about a month in three different retreat centers: Tushita, Thosamling, and the Vipassana center. Although up until that point, I was agnostic about religion and had a skeptical attitude towards all dogma and blind faith, I tried to be as open and curious as possible to figure out this phenomena. I was attracted by the Dalai Lama’s portrayal of Buddhism as reasoned faith rather than blind faith and his open dialogue with scientists.

My Tushita Class in April 2012
My Tushita Class in April 2012

Yet when I was going through the introduction to Buddhism course at Tushita, I found the Buddhist concept of logic and reasoning to be quite circular. The most perplexing was the Four Noble Truths, the cornerstone of Buddhist theology / philosophy.

1. The truth of suffering (Dukkha)

2. The truth of the origin of suffering (Samudāya): The root of all suffering being unsatisfiable craving (Tanha) and delusion.

3. The truth of the cessation of suffering (Nirodha): extinguishing craving and delusion by understanding impermanence and emptiness and cultivating compassion.

4. The truth of the path to the cessation of suffering (Magga):  The 8-fold noble path: Right Understanding, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration.

At the 4th truth, I was completely lost with the word “Right,” because the history of civilization is the story of human beings arguing, fighting, and warring over who is right and who is wrong.  Is there even a way to objectively prove or demonstrate (without force) that anyone’s understanding is more right than that of another person?

During the 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat, I had a long opportunity to ponder on these so-called 4 Noble Truths. I wondered how the practice of meditation has been a keystone in Buddhist practice and education, yet is not explicitly mentioned in the Four Noble Truths. As I sat there quietly focusing on my breath for 3 days and then scanning my body for 7 days, I had a visceral direct experience of impermanence, how thoughts, feelings and sensations arise and pass away. I began to cultivate equanimity by observing without attachment and by adopting a sense of curiosity to the subtle sensations I started to become aware of: the pulsing of blood vessels, the vibration of breathing through my wind pipe, the temperature of air going in and out of my nostrils, how I carried tension in various parts of my back and shoulders. It was fascinating. Then I started to observe how thoughts and sensations triggered an associative cascade of memories and emotions.  By observing my own associative cascade and ideomotor reflexes, I understood how my thinking was embodied.  Then I started to see what I had considered my “identity,” the story I told myself about who I am, unravel and untangle, until I experienced a sense of being pure consciousness without baggage.

I understood then that somehow my mind-brain-body intuitively and viscerally knew what was “right understanding” and “right thought.” I also realized in terms of terminology, it would provide more clarity to differentiate thoughts as “positive and negative”, rather than “good and evil” or “right and wrong”.  A positive thought evokes positive feelings like happiness and bliss and boosted physical health. A negative thought sets off a cascade of stress and negative emotions like anxiety, fear, worry, and anger, which can weaken health.  A person who is in tune with herself can literally feel this bio-feedback mechanism happening within. This is the underlying premise of lie detection machines, that people cannot fool their own bodies. After 10 days of Vipassana, I finally became mindful of this intrinsic bio-feedback mechanism.  That was the first clue to the mystery of the 8-Fold Noble Path.  Later, when I opened the Dhammapada, I found this insight captured in the opening verses of the first chapter:

“1. All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him, as the wheel follows the foot of the ox that draws the carriage.

2. All that we are is the result of what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts, it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.

3. “He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,”—in those who harbour such thoughts hatred will never cease.

4. “He abused me, he beat me, he defeated me, he robbed me,”—in those who do not harbour such thoughts hatred will cease.

5. For hatred does not cease by hatred at any time: hatred ceases by love, this is an old rule.”

Now the question was, how does one find validation for this insight?

As I started to read Dr. Seligman’s books, I realized scientists had already done the heavy lifting and packaging.  Dr. Seligman’s research provided clear evidence on the benefits of optimism, hope, engagement, meaning, and social connections with achievement, well-being, life satisfaction, and longevity.  The research by Dr. Emmons and Dr. Seligman proved that gratitude provided cognitive, emotional and physical benefits and strengthened relationships. The research by Dr. Frederickson, Dr. Losada and Dr. Gottman showed that sharing positive verbal and non-verbal communication resulted in healthier, warmer, and more robust relationships at home and at work, and that healthy relationships increased productivity, performance, and achievement.  Research on forgiveness led by Dr. Worthington demonstrated that people who practice forgiveness lead healthier, happier lives.  Research on altruism demonstrated that the “helper’s high” manifests as improved mental, emotional, physical health and longevity. And as captured in my earlier post, Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy developed by Dr. Ellis demonstrated that when people become upset in response to an adverse event, their negative emotions are not caused by the event but by their perception of the event, framed within their personal belief system.

Further, the research in psychoneuroimmunology, epigenetics, neurogenesis and neuroplasticity are unveiling the potential mechanisms for how “Right Understanding” and “Right Thought” cascades into mindfulness, well-being, and flourishing.  The truth of the cessation of suffering is under our noses.

It is a beautiful time to be alive and thinking positive thoughts.  I am so grateful for the contribution of all these scientists and researchers.  I am also grateful to be able to integrate these insights and share them with the world to enable people everywhere to achieve a state of Calm Clarity.

Dr. Seligman, thank you for your research, your books and your blessings.

Master or slave of habit? With mindfulness you have a choice

makinghabits

In the Calm Clarity program, I explain the neuroscience behind how habits are formed and changed.  The key to successfully achieving self-chosen goals is to align mental, emotional and behavioral habits and patterns to support the goals. Therefore, I teach the participants different meditations to enhance the parts of the brain associated with willpower and mindfulness and which support them to build habits and patterns that move them forward.   So far, the realizations have been very powerful.

I just finished reading Jeremy Dean’s book: Making Habits, Breaking Habits: Why We Do Things, Why We Don’t, and How to Make Any Change Stick.  Interestingly, what he writes overall aligns with the Calm Clarity program, though he doesn’t go into much detail on brain function.

The key ideas are captured in these excerpted paragraphs (given out of sequence):

“The strange thing about habits is that because we perform them unconsciously, we aren’t always aware exactly what they are. We might well be aware of the results of bad habits, such as being overweight, or continually missing deadlines, but how we got into the situation isn’t so clear.  The very first step in breaking a habit is to get a handle on when, how, and where we are performing it.  Some of our own habits are obvious to us, but many are not.  It’s hard to change something until you know what it is in the first place. Other people may be able to provide clues (if you can bear asking), but one self-contained method to use is mindfulness.” (P. 152-153)

“Developing a good habit will be most successful when we do it for its own sake, when it’s done automatically, and when we take satisfaction in what we’ve achieved–even when it’s something as simple as a clean kitchen.” (P. 148)

“In theory, making habits should be easy. We do it automatically all the time. Think back to all the examples of everyday habits we seen earlier: traveling, eating, socializing, working, and shopping. These habits were established because we found ourselves in the same situations trying to satisfy our various needs and desires, and on returning to the same situation, we made the same choice again, and so on, repetition layered on top of repetition until the habit was built. Sooner or later, the behavior became unconscious and, whether useful or not, over time these habits took hold of sections of our lives. When making habits, we are trying to do something similar but with conscious planning. We start with a goal in mind to associate behaviors with situations, and what we are aiming for is their unconscious and automatic execution. Each repetition takes us one small step further up the curve of that graph.” (P. 149)

“The beauty of habits is that, as they develop, they become more effortless. Even when you’re tired, upset, or distracted, strong habits are likely to be performed because they’re so ingrained. Habits that you constructed yourself, for your own purposes, can seem like magic when they work. Like other behaviors that we carry out on a regular basis, the fruits of good habits may build up slowly, but they can repay the effort made to establish them many times over.” (P. 149)

How we become angry, and how to choose a different response

Dr. Albert Ellis
Dr. Albert Ellis

I write this post for the holidays, a time when families and loved ones come together but don’t always get along.

This post is dedicated to Dr. Albert Ellis, who developed Rational Emotive Therapy (REBT), a powerful form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, as an alternative to standard psychoanalysis when he realized many patients weren’t getting better after years of therapy.  REBT was inspired by Dr. Ellis’s exposure to Stoicism and Buddhism.  In fact, to explain REBT, Dr. Ellis often quotes Epictetus, an ancient Greek Stoic philosopher: “Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them.”

Dr. Ellis explains:

1.When we become upset, it often a sign that we hold inflexible, unrealistic beliefs that color how we perceive events.
2.No matter when and how we start upsetting ourselves, we continue to feel upset because we cling to our irrational beliefs.
3.The way to feel better is to work hard at changing our beliefs. It takes practice, practice, practice.

Thus, he created the ABC model that Dr. Martin Seligman cited in his books Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness.

A= Adversity: an event that we perceive as negative

B= Belief: the thoughts or self-talk that arise in our mind in response to this event

C= Consequence: the emotions and feelings we experience arise as a result of our thoughts

Recognizing that B causes C, not A, he created a technique called Disputation, which involves identifying B and responding to and altering the habitual mental patterns that lead to C.  Often, we experience anger as a result of someone (including ourselves) violating our implicit expectations of shoulds, musts, oughts, demands and needs. We blame the perpetrator rather than acknowledge it is those expectations that are the culprit.

In his book, “The Myth of Self-Esteem: How Rational Emotive Therapy Can Change Your Life Forever,” Dr. Ellis provides a list of suggestions for disputing anger-generating beliefs (p. 232-233):

  • Don’t blame others for making you angry. You greatly add to their contributions
  • You’re not annoying me– . I’m choosing to take you too seriously.
  • You’re depriving me is not awful–only inconvenient.
  • You can easily frustrate me–but only I can whine about your doing so.
  • Like but don’t expect others to return your favors.
  • Accept other’s enormous fallibility.
  • People who frustrate me act badly but [that doesn’t make them bad people]
  • No one can guarantee to love you [the way you demand to be loved.]
  • You can stand rejection and refusal.
  • I never need you to fulfill myself–though that would be nice!
  • My demand that you treat me nicely is not exactly a preference!
  • I really wish you would act better but my wish is hardly your command.
  • Where did I get the idea that people must absolutely be on time?
  • Is this really going to matter that much tomorrow, next week, or years from now?
  • Anger towards others will frequently stop me from getting what I want.
  • Anger makes me obsess about the behavior of other people I find distasteful. Thoroughly wasteful!
  • What are the advantages of holding on to my anger? What are the advantages of letting go?

According to Dr. Ellis, the key to achieving a life of well-being and social harmony is to adopt the belief system that all people have intrinsic self-worth, and that life is intrinsically worthwhile, and even if events happen that could be considered negative, for the most part, we can stand it, learn from it and move on.

He explains we can save ourselves a lot of self-created stress, anger, anxiety, and frustration if we shift our life paradigm from seeking self-esteem through achievement, comparative status, and external validation to a life paradigm of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other acceptance, and unconditional life acceptance. If we don’t tie our self-worth to our thoughts, behaviors, successes, performances, social status, and wealth, we would be less compelled by ego-aggrandizing habits and patterns.  That would free us to understand what really inspires us and to pursue true self-fulfillment and self-realization.

The key is to acknowledge that a person is not their thoughts, feelings and emotions, responses, speech, actions, habits, behaviors, and performances. So no person, including yourself, can ever be rated or evaluated as a self, totality, essence, or being. A person can only be described by points in time, and is constantly evolving and changing.  We are only capable of rating and evaluating a person’s thoughts, feelings and emotions, responses, speech, actions, habits, behaviors, and performances at certain points in time.  They are not necessarily tied to or predictive of the future, nor can they be used as measures of a person’s intrinsic worth.  As stated in the Bible, we can judge and condemn the sin, but not the sinner. All people have the potential for change.

I hope the holidays for all are blessed with harmony, love and peace.  But if there is a bit of exasperation thrown in, I hope the REBT tools will help.